Cheney

“On Art, Parenthood, and Finding My Own Pace

“In my opinion that’s [having children] the reason why women aren’t as successful as men in the art world. Marina Abramovic

This past year, I’ve had the chance to meet some of my personal art heroes’ people whose work I’ve admired for years, and who helped shape the path I now try to follow. Sitting down with them, asking about their journeys, hearing about their routines, it felt like a real gift. So many opportunities for reflection, reassurance, encouragement and nuggets of wisdom.

But one thing stood out across the board besides the grandiose experiences of shaping the art world: they don’t have kids. Many are single or divorced. And they all share a deep focus, tenacity, a strong work ethic, and an obsessive dedication to their craft.

It made me wonder: Is having no children a prerequisite for success?

Because here I am an artist and a parent and trying to do both, sometimes feels like swimming against a harsh river. Against a status quo that seems pre-written and unchallenged of a successful artist is not a good parent. I am assuming not having the parental obligations frees more time and allows more traveling but that doesn’t translate on time managing skills. However, I have noticed since they came to my life my focus has been more precise and saying “no” way easier. Also, these artists are in an age where they have accomplished everything, they wanted professionally but now are seeking to develop that familiar link and that sense of belonging.

One of the biggest challenges of becoming a parent, at least for me, has been how it disrupts the rhythm of my creative work. The pauses in my routine are no longer for rest or inspiration, they’re for naps, feedings, school runs, bedtime stories, and sleepless nights. It’s not bad. It’s beautiful, in many ways. But it’s different. It’s hard to explain unless you’ve lived it. And I don’t think we talk about it enough in the art world, specially from the view of a father. In my personal work the stories and anecdotes with my kids have been invading my visual narratives, the response to the world is no longer for the exterior but more an internal view the decisions towards the “us” instead of the “me” and the ego must be satisfied on a third priority after the snacks and tantrums are finally resolved. My piece “Galimatias” is an example of that influenced of the parental process showing up in my work. Seeing your kid growing to define their own path in the world (image attached).

Does parenting slow down creativity? Can it stall an art career?

Too often, it feels like once you become a parent, your art career loses some of the potential it once held. Specially if you feel like you have created some momentum and you feel you must seize your moment for that energy to continue flowing and the artworld doesn’t have a change to forget you yet.

I think these are real questions; ones we don’t always feel safe asking. And when we do talk about them, gender plays a huge role. Let’s be honest: mothers and fathers are often needed differently at home and it’s not my intention to critic one or the other but to show compassion to each side. That’s not always fair, but it’s true in many households. Even with more fathers becoming actively involved in parenting, children still tend to seek out their mothers for certain needs and comforts beyond the obvious breast feeding.

Recently, I had coffee with my friend Maya, a full-time potter and mother. She just built a fully equipped home studio founded by her artwork, and we talked about how her work had to evolve. With limited time, she adapted. She started working in sequences, making mugs in consistent sizes and styles she could produce by the dozen. The experimental, open-ended part of her conceptual practice had to shift and readjusted to a system works and sells as well as maintaining a personal connection with her hundreds of thousands of followers. It provides for her family. It keeps her art alive and herself happy. And most importantly, it grows at a pace that’s sustainable and gives her peace of mind. Her practice was forged in the natural limitations of motherhood and grew sustained by her resourcefulness, grift and resilience with her kids physical input in consideration.

She affirmed me “It gets easier as the kids get older.” But it would not be as you probably dreamed, it would be your own interpretation depending on the foundation you are willing to build and the patience that you must allow it to grow separate from the ideal dream and hunger that got you started, the hustling will be different.

I keep hearing that everything happens right now, all the chaos, fatigue, and interruptions, will be what I miss and remember later, however I need to see pics of a couple years ago to remember how my kid looked like. Staying in the present is the gift that can’t be ignore for the future. But when you’re in the thick of it, it’s hard to see the path clearly. While talking to my wife, sometimes she feels that positive comments like that have an opposite effect, kind of making you feel that you are not allowed to just feel the current emotion.

I recently read an article that caught my eye. It talked about how creativity can improve after having children. How multitasking sharpens your focus, and how producing “less” can sometimes lead to breakthroughs even new businesses. (Surprise, surprise! Another “turn your struggle into a business” kind of article.) It also made a point I loved: because children’s language is play, we as parents are forced to adapt our world into stories, games, and explanations that they can engage with. If kids teach us anything, it’s simplification, and the art of prioritizing. The outside world becomes a noise that doesn’t seem as relevant and as needed as I thought it was.

It’s also telling that 99% of the writing on this topic is by and for women. But what about the new kind of involved father, who’s also an artist, and wants to be great at both? Where are those stories? Stories of parents that are taking on cooking every meal at home, doing laundry and even the cleaning not just as a way of “helping” but knowing is a compromise to bring more quality time for their exhausted partners. How can we shine a light on the potential difficulties that maintaining both can have in oneself without falling on the comparation of hard mothers have it? Perhaps the applications of creativity on the new confections of snacks, meals to transform nutritious foods into trains and airplanes that your kids want to eat? Do these activities need to be documented and shared to be recognized as art pieces, and would they have any value in the art world or ones careers?

That makes me reflect again on social expectations, gender stereotypes, and the structures we’ve inherited. Maybe it’s time to break the chain or at least loosen it. Or perhaps this worry can also fall into the outside world that will need to be ignore until bedtime.

I’ve been talking with Ashley about how the idea of “family” has evolved, especially how we’ve shifted from extended families living together to isolated nuclear units. These types of extended close families are still very present in Latin-America and other parts of the world. Of course, that shift has been happening for a long time, often in service of productivity and self-fulfillment. But it makes you wonder: Are there alternatives? Could things be different?

We’re seeing more shared parenting duties, more homeschooling, more awareness of kids' mental health, all good signs. But then I watch shows like Euphoria, and I can’t help but think: how the f$#@ do I keep my kid from going through all that? And does the pursuit of my dreams pull me away from providing the emotional support they’ll need to avoid a tragic situation they might encounter in this difficult world?

There’s no one way to be an artist. Just like there’s no one way to be a parent. But I’m learning that both require grace, patience, adaptability and a supportive partner / family system. And maybe most importantly a reminder that while the pace may change, the journey is still there in motion.

“Galimatias“ 2024. Woodcut – a piece reflecting the bittersweet inevitability of letting go, as children step into the world to forge their own paths."